The Crabby Cook - by Jessica Harper

So I heard this news story about a really stupid burglar.

In eastern Pennsylvania the other day, this guy apparently broke into a house, ransacked the place, then, in a fit of personal grooming, cut his own hair and took a shower. But that’s not all. Next, neatly coiffed and shower fresh, he snapped on the TV and fried some chicken.

I mean, how stupid I that?  Any savvy thief knows you don’t fry chicken at your crime scene.  You’ve gotta pick a simpler, less time-consuming recipe for mid-robbery dining. If you go with the fried, you’ve got the buttermilk soak, the bread crumbs, the hot oil with it’s irritating splatter, too much time and mess. OF COURSE you’ll be sitting there watching Jay Leno (or Conan–who can keep track?) waiting for your dinner to crisp evenly when the burglaree comes home and busts your ass, which is exactly what happened to Mr. Make-yourself-at-home, the dumb felon. I’ll bet he still needed at least another ten minutes on those drumsticks when the cops cuffed him.

If I’d been in the thief’s shoes, I’d have made some quick ‘n easy grilled chicken cutlets. I mean, it’s nice to marinate them, but you can cut that to a few minutes in special circumstances such as a heist. They’re gorgeous in eight minutes, then you slap ’em between somd bread slices and get the hell out of Pennsylvania.

Burglar’s Chicken

2 skinless, boneless chicken breasts, halved

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons fresh chopped rosemary

1 shallot, minced

1 clove garlic, minced

½ tsp bay seasoning

¼ teaspoon salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.

1. Cut the chicken breasts in half horizontally to make thin cutlets. Place the pieces on a plate in a single layer.

2. Combine the oil, rosemary, shallot, garlic bay seasoning and aslt and pepper and pour the mixture evenly over the chicken. Let it marinate in the fridge for an hour or so unless you are in mid-robbery, in which case, just cook the suckers.

3. Cook the chicken in a skillet or grill pan over medium heat until browned on both sides, 6-8 minutes total.  Sprinkle the chicken lightly with salt and pepper and serve.

Serves 4, or one very hungry burglar.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 25th, 2010 at 12:51 pm and is filed under Chicken Lickin'. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.