The Crabby Cook - by Jessica Harper

My friend Geoffrey, who is an excellent and discerning cook, prepares gourmet meals for his wife on a regular basis. (I know, lucky bitch, right?)

But Geoffrey tells me that, when his wife is not home for dinner, he  reverts to his old bachelor habits, forgoing the fancy stuff and making, instead, Chili ‘n Fries. He will make the dish, pop a beer, watch the Lakers, and be in heaven—the same heaven he was in when he was twenty. Before his wife comes home, he tidies up, switches channels to PBS, and pours a little brandy.

Here’s his dainty recipe for Chili ‘n Fries:

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I’ve been hearing a lot of chatter about rice lately.

For one thing, there will be no rice-throwing in Alaska: Bristol and Levi  have called off the wedding. If you are a Palin-watcher you know Bristol had the baby in December, and they named him Tripp. Wasn’t there another Palin named Tripp? Or was it Trent? Or Topo? Whatever; Palinism is so 2008.

In other rice-related news, it’s been established that if you drop your cell phone in the toilet, you can place it in a jar of rice and it will come chirping back to life. Apparently the rice wicks away the offending toilet moisture. It’s the same science that applies when you put rice in your salt shaker to keep the salt from getting clumpy. (I have never been organized enough to actually do this; I live with clumpy salt.) Read More

CRANBERRY SAUCES

Although I have to tell you that Thanksgiving is one meal I really don’t mind making (the holiday spirit propels you through the rough parts), this year I’ll be giving thanks that my sister-in-law is hosting, so all I have to do is bring a side dish.

I like to offer to make cranberry sauce, since this is the easiest task there is. Plus you can make it days in advance, and just de-fridge it on the day, dump it into a scenic bowl, go to Julie’s house and grab a martini.

Here are two recipes for cranberry sauce. Read More