site by Jessica Harper
The Crabby Cook - by Jessica harper

Introduction

For a long time I thought I was the only crabby cook in town. While I bitched my way through daily cooking for my picky family, I envied my friends who seemed so Martha Stewart-y, all rushing around recipe swapping and table decorating, merrily searing tuna.

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The Tea Project: B’s Brown Bread

September 1st, 2010

The last time I had afternoon tea on a regular basis was when I shot a movie in London and the whole set came to a halt at precisely 4:00 p.m. so everyone could sit down, slurp tea, nibble cakes and discuss world affairs for twenty minutes. Then they’d leap to their feet again, all caffeinated and carbed,  and briskly continue with the task at hand.

Yesterday, I had a tea break with a friend which revived my enthusiasm for the custom. I’d consulted with my niece who lives in Ireland, where they are so much more with it than we are, tea-wise. Read More

 

The Crabby Cook, Video #2: “Oliver Matures”

August 25th, 2010

Here I am bragging  about my near-perfect golden retriever, Oliver, and his impending birthday.

 

21st Birthday Scones

August 19th, 2010

(Makes 6 to 8 scones, which will disappear very quickly)

My older daughter turns 21 today. She’s home at the moment, so I get to indulge her every birthday wish.

She wants to go to a Dodgers game. (Her dad’s handling that.) Then, in keeping with 21st birthday tradition, she wants to go to a bar and order a cocktail. But, like her father, she is actually much more interested in chocolate thatn she is in tequila. What she really wants when she takes that first big step into adulthood is chocolate chip scones for breakfast. Read More

 

Corny In August

August 1st, 2010


As I write this, it is August,, but it seems like summer’ has not begun. This is partly because in California, where I live, there is no summer really until everyone else has finished theirs; our big heat kicks in in September. Yes, we are all screwed up: no winter, no spring unless you count June, and summer in the fall. Read More

 

Black And White Pasta

July 22nd, 2010

I’m blown away by the NYTimes story about the woman who has written down everything she’s made for dinner for the last fourteen years.I can’t help but imagine what my own dinner journal would look like, had I undertaken such a project. Read More

 

New!! Crabby Goes Video!!: “Tom Makes Soup”

July 19th, 2010

 

Not-For-Scott Turkey Burgers

July 14th, 2010

My brother-in-law Scott claims that he will not eat turkey in any format other than roasted, Thanksgiving-style. He thinks ground turkey is peculiar and unappetizing.

If you have a relative as annoying as this, or if by any chance Scott is coming to your house for dinner, you will want to skip this turkey burger recipe. For that matter, don’t bother with last week’s recipe for turkey loaf either, unless you substitute beef for the turkey. For some reason Scott is okay with ground beef, but picky people like him often have such irritating quirks. Read More

 

Opening A Wine Bottle With Your Shoe

July 8th, 2010

Check out this video to be instructed on genius method for opening a bottle of wine when you can’t locate a corkscrew or you are in a location far from your bar tools, or you’re simply so drunk that your small motor skills are impaired.You use your shoe.a

Caveat: I would strongly advise against using your 3-inch Manolos for this task.

Click here: Opening A Wine Bottle With A Shoe

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The Loaf That Keeps On Giving

June 28th, 2010

We were maybe going to go out for dinner last night (for a big fat change), but my  husband was suddenly gripped by a summer virus. (Why does this always happen the minute I make a reservation?) So I was back to spelunking in the fridge for dinner possibilities.

I stumbled across the remains of a turkey loaf, which had been delicious on Wednesday. It was now Sunday, and, not being as well-acquainted with the breeding habits of bacteria as I should be, I wasn’t sure if the loaf was trustworthy. I gave it the scratch ‘n sniff test and then, still uncertain, I ate a bite, figuring I’d take a bullet for my family. If I dropped dead from bacterial poisoning, I would most likely not be serving them the turkey loaf. I’d make pasta instead. (My family does not accept death as an excuse for not cooking.) Read More

 

Picnics For Cooking Avoidance Specialists

June 24th, 2010

I love the Hollywood Bowl, but I love it for the wrong reason.

I don’t love it because it’s a beautiful outdoor venue where you (and nearly 18,000 other patrons) can sit under the stars and hear the L.A. Philharmonic or Beck while crickets chirp and you dine on picnic food.

I love it because, thanks to the Hollywood Bowl dining tradition, many takeout places and restaurants in L.A. offer picnic baskets to go, all summer long. For those of us who are honing our cooking-avoidance skills, this is fabulous.

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